So much in my mind. Thoughts spinning like luggage on a carousel. I reach to grab a thought but it passes me by. Inside each piece of luggage there is so much thinking to unpack. I hesitate. I reach again but the luggage is too heavy. Can all the luggage on the airport carousel be mine. Where do I start?

I stand alone – lonely. I think the airport is closed and there’s not a trolley for my thoughts. They continue to spin like luggage on a carousel. The fluorescent light beats down encouraging that epileptic feeling. Round and round they go.

Do I wait here until I die? What do I do? I’m filled to the brim with emptiness and longing. The longing bubbles out. The longing slushes like manky sea broth around my ankles. My toes are so cold. I feel nailed into the sadness. There’s no where to go, no where to sit. My blood, seeks her freedom as she seeps from the place of the hard cool nails.

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Today I walked on the beach. Balmoral Beach here in Sydney. The water felt warm and the sky a never ending blue. The clouds were all on strike I think. I sat on an olive green bench at the Eastern end of Balmoral Beach. I read two chapters of ¬†‘The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie’ by Alan Bradley. This is the book chosen to be read this month by my book club. Next to me an elderly couple had set up a picnic outside of their small camper van. ¬†These moments today were bliss and I’m very grateful for them. The elderly woman of the couple wore a bright bright orange swimsuit. She ran down to the water and without any hesitation glided gracefully in. A dog joined her for the swim.

I can still feel the sand between my toes and it is after 10.00 pm. I have visited my dear friend in hospital, the sand and salt came with me. I am so tired, and I long to curl up into bed with the book I started. I’ll just rinse my toes … night night